Who do I want to be?
This is an infinitely more powerful question than what do I want to do. I believe this is the key to deep behavioral change.
This week I have gathered some thoughts and resources that illuminate some of the principles of this notoriously tricky task: personal change. See the resource page here.
Three things I recommend you keep in mind while exploring
1) Change is inevitable
We actually don’t have the option to stay the same even if we want to. Whether you are currently happy in every aspect of your life or not, you can’t hold it still. We are changing, and so is everyone we know. So is the economy, environment, and everything else. Rather than finding this flow unsettling, use its movement like a strong river to carry us along.
2) There is no need to wait
Sometimes we think that we need to wait for some arbitrary marker like a new year, new day, new moon, or a new location to mark this new self. We don’t. If this helps you by all means use it, but it’s not necessary. We can pause, take a deep breath, and change direction any time. Everything is in flux all the time. (And things will not magically start moving on a new trajectory just because it is a new day). We have to steer ourselves where we want to go.
3) Start with yourself
Who do I want to be? I find this to be a much more inspiring question than what do I want to do. Who is the person who has the habits, attitudes, behaviors, and achievements that I want? Embody this person, they are already alive within you. Once we have shifted this concept of ourself, it is much easier to bring our actions and environment into alignment with that. It is a much more effective strategy than clinging to an old version of you, or what you think is you, and trying to force alien habits.
Change can seem daunting, and sometimes deliberate change is even scarier than unchosen change, because the responsibility is ours alone.
However, the pain from experiencing the gap between who we are and who we believe we could be is worse.
Also, rewards often come quicker than we expect. Old beliefs and behaviors support each other like a house of cards, so are not difficult to knock down once we are aware of this. I personally love this image from St Porphyrios:
“Do not fight to expel the darkness from the chamber of your soul. Instead open a tiny aperture for light to enter and the darkness will disappear”
Have a lovely weekend,
Natalie